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 And you call yourself a role model
Posted: Tuesday May 04, 1999 10:23 PM
The lesson today, children, is about cheating in sports. Contrary to what the do-gooders and social workers might say, cheating is a perfectly acceptable part of sports. What is not acceptable is getting caught at cheating in sports. Example A is Detroit Tigers pitcher Brian Moehler, who was caught with a piece of sandpaper on his person this weekend while working a game against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Moehler apparently was using the sandpaper to alter the roundness of the baseball, causing the ball to dip and flutter past Devil Rays batters. He was suspended for 10 days for his infraction. The do-gooders no doubt will say, "Hah, winners never cheat and cheaters never win." I say, "Couldn't he have found somewhere to hide that sandpaper?" Cheating is a basic part of most games. In football, the defensive linemen try to cheat, anticipating the quarterback's call. The offensive linemen try to cheat by holding the defensive linemen's shirt. In basketball, the shove, the bump, the grab are part of the cheating game. Look at the Miami Heat. In hockey, well, the goalies are wearing illegal pads to stop slap shots from illegal sticks and everyone is grabbing and holding and committing assorted infractions. There's more cheating taking place in a Stanley Cup playoff game than at a Texas roadhouse on a Saturday night. Repeat after me, children: Cheating in sports is good, but getting caught is bad. Shame on you, Brian Moehler.
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