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Pack attack Cheeseheads want their due, but they're still second bestPosted: Friday November 08, 2002 2:27 PM
I bet all you Packers fans out there think I'm gonna lead with your moaning about how I screwed your guys out of first place, etc. Jimmy tells me that he has seldom had to wade through such a venomous collection of missives. And a lot of them. Have a seat, friends. I'll get to you, but not right away. Top honors go to Kirk of Grand Rapids, Mich ., and if you'd have included your last name, Kirk, I'd have run that, too, because your contribution to my humble column was so knock 'em dead. I'll reprint it in its entirety: "Extra points are too boring? Here's the solution: Have the guy who scored the touchdown kick the extra point. Just imagine Ted Washington returning a fumble 60 yards to pay dirt and then having to convert the PAT. You wouldn't want to miss that." Oh, man, the possibilities are endless. Maybe a team would slip its kicker off the bench and have him run alongside the guy who's about to go in, screaming for a lateral. Maybe, as the Flaming Redhead noted, and she was as caught up in the magic of this as I was, a team would have its guy take a flop on the half-yard line, and on the next play send in, say, Sebastian Janikowski , to take a pitchout and score, so he could kick the PAT. Talk about a fun game! And for exactly that reason, the NFL would never take even the hint of such a suggestion seriously. Something about detracting from the dignity of its endeavor. Well, what can you expect? Paul Tagliabue is a former corporate lawyer, for Pete's sake. Hey, thanks, Kirk. Any more ideas like this one, send 'em in. Jimmy's comment on your e-mail -- "You're gonna love this one." I sure did. Now, going from the sublime to the ridiculous, we encounter a lady whom we've appointed spokesperson for all the angry Cheeseheads because she's nastier than most. Her name is Kristine -- and I knew there would be some kind of fancy spelling involved -- and she's from Las Vegas , which figures, and she describes herself as "a former flaming redhead ... carmel brown with blond streaks is a wicked changeup." Sure is, and in between all the spelling and punctuation errors, she wants to know "How can a knuckle-dragging, old school relic like you not bow down before the alter of greatness that is Brett Favre ...?" and on and on with the worst kind of gushing drivel you've ever read. So, Packers fans, how do you like your new spokesperson? A nice package, huh? But since I answer all queries, even the illiterate ones, I will attempt to address every point, including my assigning the Pack second place behind Denver, which Kristine Vegas gets to, about a dozen weighty lines after the knuckle-dragging stuff. In order: 1) What's carmel brown? Isn't Carmel the town that had Clint Eastwood as its mayor? 2) My knuckles don't drag. Actually, it's just the reverse. They barely come down to the middle of my chest. The alligator effect. 3) Enough people gush about Favre. Just turn on your TV. I have never said an unkind word about this fine player in print, nor have I fallen all over myself to invent new adjectives. "Keep things in perspective" is my motto. 4) I have the Pack ranked No. 2 behind Denver for these reasons: And to all the rest of you Packers fans with similar complaints, I'm really sorry that each of your letters didn't receive individual treatment, but there's a long line of serious e-mailers waiting, and I've kept them out in the hallway long enough. Dave of West Hartford, Conn ., is ready to go helmet-to-helmet over the matter of the head shots and would like my comment on an observation he heard that this phenomenon won't change until there's a fatal accident. I don't like to get into the morbid predictions business, but I'm afraid even something like that wouldn't change things. Players simply have been programmed for too long to "put the hat on him," as coaches like to say. There has to be a trickle-down effect at the coaching level, from high school to college, and then the NFL will reap the benefits. If a German shepherd has received attack-dog training, you don't turn it into a household pet by punishing it. You just don't train it that way in the first place. Thanks for your nice comment, Dave. Rick from Covington, La ., wants my take on the idea of removing faceguards as a deterrent to leading with the old noodle. It would cure it, but the NFL would never go for such an anti-cosmetic. Too many bloody faces, like there were in the old days. Not a good promotional situation. Won't be able to sell as many T-shirts and bobblehead dolls. It's interesting how the faces of players have changed. A football player in the old days really looked the part -- broken nose, missing teeth, etc. Now you see 10-year vets who still look babyfaced, or chubbyfaced. As for the hard-shell helmets, I'm old enough to remember when they first came in: Blanchard and Davis and the WWII West Point teams. And I can remember the feeling of terror, playing against a guy wearing one of those, the idea that I was going to get it smack in the mush. And I did. It was a well-founded fear. A return to leather helmets? Sure, it would cut down on helmet-to-helmet shots, but might increase the concussions. I'm sure some scientific survey, financed by the league, of course, is in the process of evaluating the situation, which will result in a conclusion that will give the NFL what it wanted in the first place -- just like those phony league-run studies that used to come up with the finding that artificial turf wasn't a cause of injuries at all. P.S: Thanks for the nice words. A note on the piece I did on my top performances this season: Jimmy says he received considerable support for two achievements I didn't mention -- Philly free safety Brian Dawkins' day against Houston, and the Seahawks' Shaun Alexander's outing against Minnesota, in which he broke a record with five TDs in the first half and ran for 139 yards and gained another 92 on pass receptions. I didn't tape or watch Philly-Houston. I don't schedule prospective blowouts. Alexander? Well, two of his TDs were walk-ins. Another one, a two-yarder, was a rather ordinary run, behind a good block by left guard Steve Hutchinson . His 20-yard TD in the first quarter came when Lance Johnstone blew the tackle, giving Alexander a clear alley. And finally, his 80-yard pass reception for a score came on a screen in which Hutchinson threw the springing block, tight end Jerramy Stevens got another one downfield, and wideouts Koren Robinson and Bobby Engram wiped out the pursuit, leaving Alexander untouched. Just because a guy runs a long way or repeatedly crosses the goal line doesn't mean that his performance, although productive, can rival those of the guys who fight and struggle for their yardage. Aaron of Forest Lake, Minn , wants to know how the Bills' No.1 draft, RT Mike Williams , has played this year. He has been out for two games with a pulled hamstring, although he's due back this week. He appears on my charts three times. Wait, I'll look him up for you. Against the Jets he did a decent job on his run blocks. Got beaten for a forced incomplete on a speed rush by rookie DE Bryan Thomas , who hasn't done much since. Against the Bears Williams was kind of a non-factor in the running game. Roosevelt Colvin beat him for a sack, but that was on a give-up play at the end of the first half, when nothing much was happening anyway. Against the Raiders, well, his blocking for the runs, all 16 of them (two others listed as runs were Bledsoe scrambles), were pretty decent, and he cleared the way on Larry Centers' five-yard TD at the end of the first half. Drew Bledsoe threw the ball 53 times that day and was dusted five times, one of which was Williams' fault. Sam Adams ran a stunt over him and forced Bledsoe out of the pocket, where he was tackled for a yard loss by Bill Romanowski . All in all, Williams hasn't knocked me out, but he's learning. And thank you, Aaron, for your comment about my work. Ditto to Patrick of Roseville, Calif ., who was so complimentary that I'll bore you with a Roseville story. My first newspaper job, right out of school, was for the Sacramento Bee. One of the rules of that paper was that when you filed a story from the road you had to dateline it with the town, and the county, such as "Healdsburg, Sonoma Co." So we used to have this little joke. A gunman jumps in a cab, sticks his pistol in the driver's ribs and says, "Roseville, comma, Placer County." For some reason I always remembered that story. What was your question again? Oh yes, will Kurt Warner still have a job when he returns to the Rams? A tricky one. If his passes are still fluttering, and the offense is struggling because Warner doesn't have his old zip on the ball -- which was the case before he broke his finger, despite Mike Martz's insistence that there was nothing wrong with him -- then I think we'll be reading that Warner hasn't fully recovered, etc., and Marc Bulger will take over. Now onto serious stuff, the wines in your area. You happen to be living in a great undiscovered wine locale, namely Amador County. Get an Amador wine guide, aim your car for Plymouth and check out the small places. Zinfandel is the key here. Amador zins are made in a rustic, brambly style that I love. More praise from Myron L. of Andersonville, Ga . I guess this is Jimmy's way of balancing off all the heat I got from the Packers contingent, but I appreciate it, honest. Myron wants to know how Dan Reeves stands as a personnel evaluator, given the recent successes with Vick and Duckett . He's looking good on the Duckett pick, which people couldn't understand at the time, but before we get carried away, let's examine the rest of the 2002 draft. I don't see much production there. Do you? Joe of Niagara Falls wants to know whom I would build a franchise around, if I were a GM: Vick, Tomlinson or Urlacher ? Tomlinson first, then Vick, then Urlacher. Normally I'd say Vick, but I'm still a little nervous about his chances of getting hurt. Urlacher's a stud, too, but so are the other two guys you named. Andy of Madison, Wisc ., wants to know why everyone keeps saying Priest Holmes is the NFL's most underrated back when the Packers' Ahman Green can hold his own with any of them. Because Holmes was misused in Baltimore and then blossomed in the right system. I agree with you that the underrated tag is getting a little old. The interesting thing is that Green was also misused, by Seattle, and then traded to the Pack (with a fifth-round draft choice for CB Fred Vinson , who was cut by the Hawks, and a No. 6) two years ago. It was one of Mike Holmgren's worst deals and got people buzzing that he really missed Ron Wolf . Meanwhile Green blossomed under Mike Sherman , and right now he's fully capable of carrying an attack, which he had to do when Brett Favre was hobbling last Monday night. I wouldn't call Green underrated, though -- not now. He did make the Pro Bowl last season. I would have chosen him in both his Packers years. Thanks for your nice comments. At least not all the Packers fans aren't mad at me this week. Dave of Reston, Va ., dislikes Ray Lucas' extended handoffs, like a butler dishing up drinks on a tray, and says it telegraphs the Dolphins' offense. I've never liked the extended handoffs, either, but what can you do? Some offensive coaches just feel that it's more comfortable for a particular quarterback. I agree with you that it seems kind of simplistic. But there are a lot more serious problems, namely that until Chris Chambers fully recovers from his concussion and becomes a downfield threat once again, enemy defenses will sit on the short stuff -- and the running game. Cris Carter hurt the offense Monday night. I hope it was just a case of his being rusty, not washed up. Nath of Houston feels that I've shorted the Bears' Marty Booker , pointing out that he's first in the NFC in receiving yards, tied for second in TDs and fifth in receptions. You're right, kind of. I guess I've been concentrating a little too hard on his last three games, all losses, in which he was a non-factor.Sorry, Nath. Sorry, Marty. Sorry, everybody. Roberto of Chihuahua, Mexico , can't understand why I have the Chiefs, with that suspect defense, ranked higher than the Steelers or Bucs. Two reasons -- toughness and caliber of opposition. Plus, I feel that their defense is improving. I could be wrong. If the Niners lay one on them this Sunday, the rankings will reflect it. Nick of Washington clears up the fable of Steve Spurrier and Darnerien McCants . The suggestion to start McCants came on Spurrier's TV show, not in a shopping mall. And it was two weeks ago, not last week. Aside from that, I was perfect.Thanks for your tolerant response, Nick, and for your kind words about my sometimes muddled efforts. Doug of Catersville, Ga ., wonders why so many of my top performers did such tip-top performing against the Bears. Gosh, I hadn't really noticed, Doug. Just worked out that way. He also wants to know what the difference is between the split end and the flanker. The split end, known as the "X-receiver" in coaching terminology, lines up on the side away from the tight end. The "Z receiver," or flanker, is on the same side as the TE, although many sets feature both receivers to one side. Scott of Portland, Ore ., feels that too many coaches try to play a guessing game when faced with Bill Belichick's defensive machinations instead of just pounding away, as K.C., San Diego, Denver and Green Bay did against the Patriots. Over-coaching abounds in the NFL. No one calls an offensive coordinator a genius for running the ball again and again. Then it's the Marty Schottenheimer syndrome ... how quaint, how old fashioned, etc. I remember when the hard-running Giants beat the Bills and their K-Gun in the Super Bowl XXV and I asked Bill Parcells afterward if this game vindicated his rather basic approach."It's never needed vindication," he said."It's that other stuff that's needed it." And I thank you, Scott, for your reference to my Week 9 handicapping. Even in a wacky season such as this one, it's possible to get hot, if only for one weekend. Have a comment or question for Dr. Z? Click here.
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