No one like U

Montana was great, but Unitas called his own shots

My statement that John Unitas was the greatest quarterback I'd ever seen seems to have gotten some people riled up. On another level, it brought out a degree of nastiness that shocked even an old warhorse such as myself. The latter stratum was represented by someone called Mark of Sacramento, who supplied one paragraph of abuse, three paragraphs of Joe Montana statistical data and a final paragraph of abuse. I'm answering this trash only because I answer everything Jimmy sends me. You liked Montana better, I liked Johnny U. Hope this covers it for you.

Dave of Toronto points out that Montana faced more complex defenses. That's right, and he also had a more complex offense as a weapon. But Joe had Bill Walsh calling the plays for him; Unitas was on his own. I can only speculate, but I believe that Johnny U would have torn up today's defenses the same way he did the alignments he faced in the '50s and '60s.

Greg of Winston-Salem, N.C., wants to know what coach gets my nomination as the greatest play-caller of all time. Walsh, Norv Turner, Don Coryell and Joe Gibbs in the modern era, in which the stuff is sent in. But of the old time play devisers, who might suggest things during the course of a game but didn't stay on top of things, play after play, Sid Gillman and Clark Shaughnessy. And I'm probably forgetting a few. Thanks, incidentally, for the nice things you said.

Bruce of Raleigh, N.C., has an interesting theory: Ugly football on the opening week ruined some teams' playoff chances, and this all was a result of teams messing up their timing because their starters sat on the bench for most of the exhibition season. Let's take it point by point: 1) I didn't see ugly football, just some erratic play, which is always the case in the first week. 2) Nobody's playoff chances get ruined by one game, particularly the opener. 3) The timing wasn't all that dreadful, and 4) The starters still practiced every day. Taking the field for a dozen or so plays in a meaningless exhibition game wouldn't make much of a difference.

Rich of Pittsburgh ("City of Champions") wonders why I waited so long to get my VCR fixed. Someone's been shooting you inside stuff, buddy. How'd you know that? OK, here's the way it is. It was my third VCR, the downstairs one, and I waited until two weeks before the first Sunday because I dread having to take anything that needs fixing to any establishment in New Jersey. Add to that, nobody wants to fix a VCR. The party line is that they're so cheap that you don't even bother. Just throw it away, like a disposable lighter, and buy a new one. I'm sorry, but this goes against everything I believe. So I finally found a guy who said he'd fix it, Eugene in Garfield. I drove the 25 miles to his shop, dropped it off on a Tuesday and was told that it would be ready Friday. First ill omen occurred when I turned a corner onto River Ave., on my way home, and was caught smack in the middle of a seat belt sweep. Two patrol cars with the flashers going, six cops on foot, all furiously writing tickets. Now I have nothing against cops. My step-daughter, Heather, is about to graduate from the academy and become a member of the force in Phoenix, and the rigorous training she was put through is seriously intended to weed out all but the most highly qualified, physically and mentally. I don't think a single one of those Garfield cops could have passed. Fat-bellied slobs with their walrus mustaches ... OK, I'm overstating it because I'm so bitter about getting caught in the sweep that netted, oh, maybe 20 cars in the 15 minutes I sat there in the broiling Jersey sun. Forty-two bucks is what it cost. No points, thank God. Well, Eugene didn't have the VCR for me on Friday, or Saturday, either ... in fact he hadn't even looked at it, hadn't been in the shop at all ... and he didn't have it on about four other days he said he'd have it, and this ran into the first weekend of the season, so I had to go out and buy a new one. He didn't have it Wednesday of this week, when he said he absolutely would, and now I don't even care anymore. You want to know the worst thing? The worst thing is that each time he fed me one of his New Jersey lies, he always ended the same way -- with a phrase I absolutely hate: "No problem." Hope this answers your question, Rich.

Cowboys questions are coming in now. Ryan of Austin, Texas, wonders what Jerry Jones sees in Quincy Carter. I wonder, too. Carter didn't have great credentials, coming out of college, and he doesn't look like he's ready for NFL-style defenses. Part two of Ryan's query -- when will Jerry get a real quarterback? Next Wednesday. Wait a minute ... the stores are closed for Sam Houston Day. Make it the Wednesday after that.

Tracy of Springfield, Va., wants a GM in Dallas, not an owner doubling as GM and chief talent scout. It seems logical to me, too, but when you holler about the No. 1 draft pick of Roy Williams over Jeremy Shockey, you're reaching. If you have a beef with a draft choice, say it at the time, not with the benefit of five months of hindsight.

Here's another woulda-coulda-shoulda in the draft. Cardinals fan Mike of San Jose, Calif., is upset because the Cards took Thomas Jones three years ago when they could have had Brian Urlacher. Hey, did you say this at the time? I'll bet you didn't. I'll bet you knew next to nothing about Urlacher, whereas Jones was generally considered to be the best runner coming out. I will agree with you, though, that the Cardinals have managed to thoroughly butcher their personnel situation over the last few seasons.

Darin Juhnke of Apopka, Fla., brings up an interesting point: Why is there such an advantage to the 49ers having three extra days to prepare for Denver, when those three days do not involve 2002 game footage to study? Because traditionally, the first two days after a game involve loosening up on the first day and then getting the second day off. On Wednesday of a normal week, you start preparing for an opponent, based on tendencies, etc., that have already been broken down and game-planned. The Niners got a two-day jump on that and began their Wednesday work on Monday, assuming the coaches stayed up all night Sunday breaking down Broncos films. Plus, they had an extra day to work on their own stuff the previous week, unless they took an extra day off, and that would be advantageous, too, from a healing standpoint. Sorry, but I can't do a historical breakdown right now on how teams have fared through the years with the extra time to prepare. Give me some 30-hour days and I'll oblige.

Taylor of Kansas City is looking for suggestions for curing a subpar defensive effort by his Chiefs. Getting Eric Downing healthy. Getting their No. 1 draft, Ryan Sims, ready to play. It all starts with the front four.

Raiders fan Kevin of Aurora, Colo., deplores the cutting of MLB Greg Biekert and wonders if rookie Napoleon Harris is ready. I knew Biekert was starting to slow down last year (don't forget, I was the only one who had him on my all-pro team a few seasons ago), but he's still very smart, and valuable in the scheme. The Raiders felt that Harris was ready, and he'd have an old pro, Bill Romanowski, next to him to help smooth out the rough spots. I haven't seen the Seattle game yet (it's on my tape schedule for Saturday), so I don't know how Harris played.

Ed of Cleveland wants to know if, in all my years of watching football, I've ever seen a weirder ending to a game than K.C.-Cleveland. A guy from a Kansas City paper called me up and wanted to know the same thing. So we batted it around for a while, trying to come up with some real freakies. There was, of course, the Miracle in the Meadowlands, when Herman Edwards scored on the fumble, and the Leon Lett screwup on Thanksgiving in Dallas in the snow. And I'm sure that if I really checked it out I could find some unsung weirdies somewhere down the line. But right now I'd say that, yes, this one was the craziest. I mean, it was like a hockey game ending on a misconduct penalty. How do I feel about it? Dwayne Rudd didn't know the game was still going on when he threw his helmet. Referee Ron Blum didn't know that Rudd didn't know the game was over. He couldn't make the call and then say, Wait a minute, I'll reverse it because the guy didn't know John Tait had the ball. Within the context of the rules, I guess that's the way it had to play out, but I just don't think that throwing the helmet is such a bad thing, unless it hits somebody. Much worse is what referee Jeff Triplette did a number of years ago when he temporarily blinded Orlando Brown by hitting him smack in the face with his weighted flag. Brown hasn't played a down since, and what was the penalty assessed on Triplette, arguably the worst official in the NFL? Nothing, of course. On Monday he went back to his desk in the bank or shoe store or wherever the hell he worked while Brown was lying in a hospital bed.

Brian of Gaithersburg, Md., feels that the problems the Ravens have had on offense lie with coordinator Matt Cavanaugh. I've never been impressed with his offenses, but let's look at the record. He has been a coordinator for five years, two with Chicago, in which the Bears finished 17th and 21st in the NFL, and three with Baltimore, where his offense finished 24th, 16th and 14th. Those are not good numbers, but the Ravens have made some weird QB decisions over the years, and a lot of the blame for that has to go to Brian Billick. I thank you for your nice sentiments, but if reading my Mailbag column is really the highlight of your Friday workday, then you'd better change jobs.

On rereading that, it certainly sounds vicious. Someone nearby is shaking her Flaming Red Head. "The man's trying to be nice, and you write a thing like that ... what's wrong with you, anyway?" What's wrong, indeed?

Here's another one from the Gaithersburg gang. Andrew wants my take on David Carr's debut. Gutsy. Created an impression of confidence, although I'm sure that his heart was going thump thump. Scattered his passes at times, but showed a great long-ball delivery. I didn't like those deflections, either, but they have to be careful about rushing in to fix too many things at once because Carr's going to have plenty of nerve-wracking moments behind that O-line.

This is like dominos. You match one side of the tile, then another. Here's another Andy, this one from Alexandria, Va., and guess what he's annoyed about? Right, my rather flippant treatment of the moderate ranking of his Skins. Hey, champ, I was just having a little fun. No need for the full rundown on their virtues and future prospects. I read the papers. And watch the games. And brush my teeth, and say my prayers before beddy-bye. And what I'm praying for now is for Steve Spurrier to ... no, I won't say it. I am not, repeat not, a Redskins hater.

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